@davidkenny100: Gwen Stefani: 🎵this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means... Cut to kid opening lunch box

@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.

@longwall26: I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.

@treadmilld: Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.

@BitchyJasmine: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing he'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.