@Maxine12333: I've always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.
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@SteveKoehler22: My coworkers and I pitched in to buy Greece as a retirement gift for the boss.. We decided it was better than a $50 Applebee's gift card.
@orange_rhymer: [robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-
@hippieswordfish: kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!