@chrisdelia: I've ALWAYS said "A sport is not a sport unless you can play it while shitting."
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@Jandalize: I started running today. Also, there is a new mean dog in the neighborhood that interrupted my walk today.
@LaziestCanine: [1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you
@LipLush1: 911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say "yeah, got ur text"
@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.