@chrisdelia: I've ALWAYS said "A sport is not a sport unless you can play it while shitting."
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@Iwriteforcats: [Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.
@TheDreamGhoul: [inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
@MartaEffing: I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room.