@Peauxtassium: I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
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@FlyJ_: [Gives husband a list for groceries] He brings home 1/2 of what's on the list and someone else's kid.
@lawbsterfest: Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum
@BroIsMeeeee: "sir do u know why i pulled u over" *shrugs* "License- *hands cop box of crayons* "sir plea- *hands cop coloring book* *cop starts coloring*
@ch000ch: he died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff