@Peauxtassium: I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
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@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes
@Lazer_Cat_: *spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*
@gerryhatric: My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.