@P1ssed_K1d: I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, "So, what do we have here?"
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@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@turd_firebird: If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
@xLiserx: Lois Lane spends a lonely afternoon at the beach because she doesn't recognize any of her friends in sunglasses.
@putyoursisterd1: "If I let them stay up late on Friday night, we can sleep in Saturday morning!" -a strategy that has never worked for any parent, ever.