@SamuelHLowe: I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, "So, what do we have here?"
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@HatfieldAnne: Googles “what happens if you accidentally eat raw cookie dough” [5 minutes later] “twice”
@SodomyClown: If you're going to boast non stop about your pregnancy at least give birth to something fun like a puppy, a bouncy castle or a bag of weed.
@miffedmim:  The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio. Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most.
@usedwigs: The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.