@faizziy: I've always wanted to rewrite history but couldn't decide on the font..
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
@Breadery: *Approaches girl at bar* Brain: Say you like her eyes. No, hair. Actually, go for eyes! Me: You have lovely hairy eyes Brain: My bad.
@david8hughes: [wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."
@lcwf70: Failed Hallmark card: I'm sorry I stabbed you with a fork when you leaned in to kiss me. I thought you were going to take my taco.