@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home' Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'

@InternetHippo: arya: so good to be back home with the sister i havent seen in 5 years & thought was dead sansa: yeah it’s— arya: i am going to murder you

@UniqueDude2: Teens: I was an idiot when I was a kid 20s: I was an idiot when I was a teen 30s: I was an idiot in my 20s 33: if only there was a pattern

@christinaloca: Me: I’m an atheist. Nothing is on purpose. Nihilism 4eva Also me: *sees my birthday numbers anywhere* this is a sign.

@squirrel74wkgn: She says, the kids want to go to the circus. I say, that I just saved us $400 by jumping out of the kid's closet wearing a clown costume.