@Merman_Melville: At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die

@theNuzzy: After my tweet conversation with you, I delete everything I wrote so you look like a crazy stalker.

@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.

@MrIceMachine: Happy imagery of the day: A mouse dressed as a pirate sits on your shoulder while you work and pretends to steer you holding a potato-chip.

@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.