@CorkyCrash: I've become obsessed with the idea that Jesus was a terrible guitarist but no one told him to stop because they were afraid of his dad.
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@BlindChow: "I want to put a baby in you," I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.
@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.
@thenoahkinsey: Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*
@WritePlay: *Last week on "Models Who Weren't Expecting To Be Eaten By Bears"* JADE: When I was eaten by a bear, I was like what is happening lol