@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.
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@FrenulumBreve: Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually.
@CornOnTheGoblin: "Did you remember to take the dog out?" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS
@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both
@heyevergreen: Thought I saw a brownie walk by but it was just my dog. Other than that, diet is going well.