@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.
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@RxitWounds: [Auto-shop class] "Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van" *raises hand* "Or a truck" *lowers hand*
@FilthyRichmond: Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.
@TinaraMinus10: DON'T YOU LIKE ME! I WANNA MARRY YOU! WHY AM I IN THE TRUNK! -and other things I hear from guys on first dates