@osigat: I've been called a lot of names but "designated driver" was never one of them.
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@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
@Lisabug74: A man suffered a heart attack at the drive thru. I quickly Macgyvered a pencil to his electric car & defibrillated him. I was that hungry.
@economybacon: "My anger began to flow through me like hot mountain sweat.." Um, don't you mean "Lava"? "...like warm hill pee"
@murrman5: "daddy I hear footsteps on the roof, it must be Santa" *checks santa tracker* new zealand? *grabs frying pan and knife* go get in bed, son