@iGreenMonk: I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Honest, I only meant to rough him up a bit.
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@hasht4g: What if all countries have ninjas, and we only know about the Asian ones because they suck?
@kelkulus: My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday. Work is hard.
@juanadog: Say, hypothetically, I was stuck in an air vent over a dressing room at Lane Bryant. What kind of legal issues am I dealing with?
@iwearaonesie: [movie] *guy hugs woman from behind while she cuts vegetables* wife: Aww me*does same thing* wife:ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE A FINGER?!