@iGreenMonk: I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Honest, I only meant to rough him up a bit.
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@CoopSoSarc: Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
@just1fool: The last beer didn't tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.
@timdonakowski: My master plan is to forget sunglasses at every location in the world so wherever I am I’ll always have sunglasses.