@tastefactory: I've been chasing a fly around my apartment for like 20 mins with a rolled up magazine. There's a really good article I think he should see
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@behindyourback: This Slow Jaywalker Thinks The Driver Of The Oncoming Car Values Human Life More Than Proving A Point, What Happens Next Will Surprise Him!
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
@dafloydsta: [buying a wood chipper] ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in? SALESMAN: What? ME: What?