@tastefactory: I've been chasing a fly around my apartment for like 20 mins with a rolled up magazine. There's a really good article I think he should see
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@bridger_w: If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.
@iamspacegirl: Don't put up a tire swing unless you hunted and killed that car yourself, have some respect.
@mattgallo123: Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.