@JordanPeele: I've been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she "can't survive on dry land."
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@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.
@TheBoydP: If you don't think government is inefficient and wasteful, explain how the Census Bureau has been around so long yet we still use Fahrenheit
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
@jjax44: I hate it when I forget to cut the tags off my sandwich and everyone's like "New sandwich?"