@IamDrainBamaged: I've been dieting for 2 weeks now and so far I lost 5 Instagram followers.
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@PinkCamoTO: *interview for new roommate* Ninja: I know it's a small place, but you won't even know I'm here.
@stephenjmolloy: [bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time