@kimtopher22: I've been eating cucumber slices instead of chips and when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm eating something more enjoyable, like broken glass or rusty nails.
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@MissSassy_Pants: The first time I ever had sushi some of the avocado fell out and as I was talking I mistook the chunk of wasabi for it. This pretty much sums up my life choices.
@HairyJew4Life: Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years? Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
@Smooheed: *walks into room to find toddler stuck upside down yelling for help* "Hold it right there baby, Mommy's just taking a quick picture"