@JimmerThatisAll: I've been getting fewer and fewer new followers but I'll be damned if I'm going to tweet something good just because some people have taste.
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@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94." *pulls out $50 bill* "Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?" *pulls out $25 bill*
@bridger_w: Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire
@viadear: Confusing the word, "jacuzzi" with, "yakuza" has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once.