@gingerfaced: I've been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
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@sucittaM: Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.
@KevinFarzad: Fellas, here's a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*