@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...
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@sarahdelri0: What I say to my son: "Get dressed." His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."
@Gre_Gone: Me: Got any 7s? Wife: Go fish Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
@nishadtrivedi: What they're actually saying is "I can't even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]"
@therealeatwood: [I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do