@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...
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@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.
@jerryRenek: Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact.
@Sickayduh: I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair