@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...
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@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME (inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk): I thought u'd never ask
@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@ericsshadow: [talking to son on the phone] "I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all.