@JediGigi: I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight.
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@Jenny4ashley: [leaving store without bag] Cashier: Forgetting something? "Oh wow, how embarrassing" *walks back to give her a hug and kiss on the lips*
@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die
@Brampersandon_: A new study finds that chicken isn't as healthy for you as once thought. "Just don't ask to see our data" clucked one feathered researcher.