@briancthayer: I've been jogging for 6 minutes & there are, literally, 9 vultures circling above me.
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@gojarbe: *puts ranch dressing on chicken* aww look at his little cowboy hat and boots, how cute is that
@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"
@jergarl: Jocelyn from Facebook will unfriend you if you give her a Blockbuster gift card for her stupid baby shower. I know that now.