@mayamanion: I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat, I'm calling bullshit.
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@girl_a_whirl: *doorbell rings, I open door* Alien: Hi! Do you have a moment so I can teach you highly advanced life skills that will save your species? Me: Yes! My vacuum is making a funny noise. Could you look at it? Alien calls back to mothership: Can't I just vaporize her?
@Yankeegiant72: After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall