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@crunchenhanced: I've been married for about 45 lbs.
@bornmiserable: I may be fat now, but you're stupid forever.
@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary*
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: I have married the crab.
Day 3: I have eaten my wife.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing?
ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate?
ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.
@_BryanZ_: I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
@donni: I identified a body yesterday.
"That's a body!" I said.