@crunchenhanced: I've been married for about 45 lbs.
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@Jmboyd58: When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
@UrbanDouchebag: I wonder if flies ever think, "I bet I could get this guy to slap himself in the face." Because they'd be right.
@stopbylater: Accidentally left my shopping list on the kitchen bench so had to rely on memory. Came home with a tub of icecream & a pony.