@envydatropic: I've been on my best behavior ever since the words "you can be charged as an adult" applied to me
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@McSwtrvst: [True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds
@Florescience: *At funeral* "Your Mom is so fat" I said eulogy, not roast. "oh right, I'm sorry. Your mom WAS so fat..."
@ryaninco: There's three cop cars in the parking lot of my gym. This might be my last Tweet for a little while.