@weinerdog4life: I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.
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@chuuew: ME: hi handsome, is this seat taken? BUS DRIVER: yes, but you could literally sit anywhere else
@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
@HonestToddler: Toilet won't stop throwing up. I didn't know it was Legos intolerant. SEND HELP THIS IS NOT A DRILL