@Kimpulses: I've been reading your Oscar tweets, and America should not vote on things as a general rule going forward.
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@HairyJew4Life: Her: Did you hear that eating curry can get rid of bad memories? Me: So I should take you out for Indian AFTER we have sex?
@Papa_Mex: 8:00am on a Saturday morning and my neighbor was mowing his lawn. Now he looks really funny covered in paint balls
@poizngrl: I didn't see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains why I'm the only one with brown eyes in the family