@Cheeseboy22: I've been refilling the same Evian water bottle for 6 months. So many people think I'm rich.
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@deadstick_ron: Me : Sorry I'm late. The clocks changing confuses everybody, right? Boss : Ron, it's been 2 years. You emailed me saying you were dead.
@mexinonblonde: My 2 year old granddaughter sounds like Eddie Vedder when she talks. And like Eddie I love the shit out of her but I can’t understand a god damn thing she says. The struggle.
@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."