@Cheeseboy22: I've been refilling the same Evian water bottle for 6 months. So many people think I'm rich.
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@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, his eyes were closer together than that, like a concussed mouse. He had a Spanish skeleton.
@DanMentos: just taught my 3yo to sing "if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands" and then laugh at the people clapping
@Darlainky: Someone just un-complimented my skort after I told them it came from Walmart. I didn't even know that was something you could do.