@Tdf41: I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning.
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@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
@panmidwest: [Calling concert venues across the country] Hi yes, I'm just calling to let you know that on your website you spelled "weekend" incorrectly
@1Happytwit: Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire.