@aedison: I’ve been training my facial muscles to do the nose twitch from Bewitched, and just had a huge breakthrough with the right nostril. Big day.
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@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
@alesiavsworld: Creep yelling from window: "HEY SEXY WHERE YO MAN?" Me yelling back: "HE DEAD" Him: "WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?" Me: "HE YELLED AT ME"
@KentWGraham: Don’t be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I’m walking the dog.