@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.
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@okimstillhungry: Scientist: You left the cage open and 349 frogs escaped. Me: I guess I FROGOT :) Scientist: *rubbing bridge of nose* They were poisonous.
@PetrickSara: My husband watched me clean the entire house today, and then asked me if I had a relaxing day. I get why the spouse is the first suspect.
@ProdigyNelson: Lawyer: do you watch people use the bathroom? Defendant: no Lawyer: spell "ICUP" Defendant: I-C-U-P Judge: *softly* omg Jury: *whispering*