@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.
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@lilgapeach30: Guys say "never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.
@MyMomologue: Bedtime: Brush teeth Put on pjs Read Turn off light Put them back in bed Put them back in bed Threaten everything they love Put them back
@mydanimarie: Ok parents who refer to their kids by age... I can play too. "22 always wants BJs before class. 39 just wants pictures for his golf buddies"
@Schmoodles: I wish I was an American so that I had the right to bear arms. I'd probably go for panda bear arms because awwwww, so cute.