@jackiembouvier: I've been up for 20 hours. There's no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Random woman in the store: What's in your mom's tummy? 5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby? 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.
@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about your business by the thickness of your bathroom toilet paper.
@TheProvenFacts: The average human body contains enough human bones to make up an entire human skeleton.
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.