@jackiembouvier: I've been up for 20 hours. There's no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.
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@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
@NoTheOtherJohn: PILOT: This isn't funny, Ed. Let me in COPILOT: *over intercom* Hey everyone, who'd like to hear a passage from the captain's dream journal?
@the_anastasia: My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.
@MrRamBillings: One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.