@KentWGraham: I've carefully avoided a running injury all these years by never running.
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@SamGrittner: I asked my mom what she wanted today and she said "she just wanted me to be happy," so I'm on ecstasy petting a dolphin right now.
@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.
@3sunzzz: 1st Born: If you hold him support his head. 2nd Born: Dangle him by his feet, he loves it. 3rd Born: We don't have a ball, use your baby brother.
@The_JRM: The reason my daughter wasn't nominated for an Oscar is because the Academy hasn't seen my 7yo trying to get out of going to school.