@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.
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@Holy_Mowgli: I planted grizzly DNA under my fingernails so when I choke on doritos the medical examiners assume I was strangled by a bear but fought back
@Steelers1972: Three things that are certain in life~ 1) Death 2) Paying taxes 3) Somewhere a woman is pissed at a man ....
@omgthatspunny: All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on.