@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.
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@SweetTweetsBRO: I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.
@Adar79Angie: I wish my car ran on shattered dreams instead of gas. I'd be able to make it to Canada on my failed ninja goals alone.
@notalogin: *Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?
@jctwritesstuff: *has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds "Historian" to bio*