@DurtMcHurtt: I've dated a vegetarian, trust me, they put meat in their mouth.
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@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police
@Bagyants: I can explain the casting for Thor. Norse mythology describes him as a "hauntingly beautiful blonde lady"
@Mr_Kapowski: I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts
@_ElvishPresley_: [commercial for boiling water] *enemies at castle wall are splashed with cool refreshing water* castle guard: there must be a better way!