@DurtMcHurtt: I've dated a vegetarian, trust me, they put meat in their mouth.
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@juliussharpe: At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.
@kentgrossarth: Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They're from my boyfriend. Now I'm going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don't you have a vase?
@Maxine12333: Daughter saw old clothes I've saved for sentimental value & said 'I bet you cried when the last dinosaur died too'. She's out of the will.