@AimeeHelene1: I've developed a rash from my wedding ring, which can only mean my body is rejecting marriage.
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@Heather2Go: I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear.
@KeetPotato: wife: "he never reacts appropriately, just tell him" doctor: "ok, keith we had to remove both your legs" me: "where will i keep my car keys"
@StarksWeek: I'm not saying I'm bilingual but if you shout at me in German I'll probably do whatever you want