@AimeeHelene1: I've developed a rash from my wedding ring, which can only mean my body is rejecting marriage.
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@snowmedia: My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks "are you OK?"
@Tmoney68: Her: I'm really into eating clean. Me: (trying to impress her) I also use many napkins.
@Mr_Kapowski: My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners