@Metalligretch: I've discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
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@hunz74: My 10 year old: "If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first." Me: "What?"
@Kyle_Lippert: The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue.
@hunz74: I went to a AAA meeting today and a guy celebrated 21 years. That is some responsible vehicle ownership.
@david8hughes: The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, "Where is the water main?" so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."