@ShoutingGoddess: I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.
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@BangMyBongo: Asking your mom, "Will there be any pretty girls coming?" Is a good way of getting out of going to your family reunion..
@CornOnTheGoblin: ♫ she's just a small time girl workin at Jurassic Woooorld opened a raptor cage now they're everywhere ♫
@thenatewolf: *holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again.
@tastefactory: 12 YEAR OLD: I wrote a movie script called Suicide Squad but it's bad *throws in trash* HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: *walks by trash* Hey what's this