@ThePocketJustin: I've done all the cleaning and ironing but I've forgot why I broke into this house in the first place.
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@i_wasnt_looking: Pharmacy employee you're too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.
@thatdutchperson: I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, his eyes were closer together than that, like a concussed mouse. He had a Spanish skeleton.
@0point5twins: I choose toothpaste NOT recommended by dentists… those sneaky tooth-fiddlers have a lot to gain from promoting one that doesn't work.