@ThePocketJustin: I've done all the cleaning and ironing but I've forgot why I broke into this house in the first place.
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@Milla_Jacobs: I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open
@proEXgirlfriend: People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I'm allowed to raise my cat however I want.
@ag_loco: Dear men, We love you until you forget to call or show up late or breathe the wrong way - women P.s you're reading this tweet wrong
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird