@JasonLastname: I've done hundreds of crossword puzzles over the years, but just this morning I noticed they provide clues.
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@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
@KKBowls: My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"
@thenatewolf: ME: the internet used to come in through the phone. It made a terrible noise, like robots screaming. GRANDSON: hush grandpa take your pills
@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.