@Skullcat: I've done some pretty stupid things while I've been drunk, but in alcohol's defense, I've done a lot of pretty stupid things sober, too.
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@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.