@BlairLoudly: I've easily spent 12% of my life chuckling at my own jokes and being grossed out by my own body. Also, I like random percentages.
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@EndhooS: I invited Jim for dinner "Jim from church or Jim who travels everywhere by catapult?" [Loud thud on the roof] *sigh* "I'll get the ladders"
@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda