@Bob_Heller: I've eaten so many cheeseburgers, my hula hoop is just a fancy waist bracelet.
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@armyVet1972: I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they're set on shuffle.
@mattwhitlockPM: This girl tweeted "You might be ghetto if you bring outside food into the movies." ...No, you might be stupid if you pay 4.99 for Skittles.
@famouscrab: u know how sum people get amnesia well i got opposite amnesia i remember everything ask me what i ate this morning. breakfast next question