@H0TMessBarbie: I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty.
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@samalmightysam: Overweight people know they're overweight, tall people know they're tall, why is it that stupid people don't know what they are?
@Sassafrantz: Ghosts are pretty cool because they can literally do anything they want, but they choose to hide my keys.
@mommy_cusses: Motherhood is when your child looks like a sparkling cherub and you look like a steaming pile of nope.