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@TheTweetOfGod: I've gone unverified for 5,000 years.
Why change now?
@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
@gregerskine: IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY
@StarvingHartist: Weird how people say that gay marriage will lead to people marrying dogs, but the 2nd amendment is never gonna give dogs guns.
@LuckyPetDeals: BaD BoY!!
@AndyKindler: "I heard you were responsible for like 30 million deaths. That's crazy." Jimmy Fallon interviewing Stalin