@Jesssicle: I've got 99 problems, which really bothers me since I've also got OCD and I prefer even numbers.
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@ChrisScarlette: "just great, I've lost my house my wife is leaving and my kids hate me how can this day get any worse" -A dinosaur, 66 million years ago
@House_Feminist: I hope people think my toddler has a slight English accent bc we're so cultured and not bc she's basically been raised by Peppa Pig
@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?