@michael_raphone: I've got a great sense of humor *closes eyes and tilts head slightly upward* yes. there is humor nearby. 40, no, 50 yards from here
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@1CleverClogs: My diet plan is just watching my 400 pound coworker lick her lips and sweat as she describes her dinner from last night.
@Prof_Hinkley: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Off duty cop: No *cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro* You're driving great, pal
@JodiesJumpsuit: My son is playing by himself in his room and he is narrating his imaginary play activities in a voice like a French Werner Herzog: “We open ze barrel of monkeys, and we find zem all dead inside. Ze worst discovery of all. Who has done zis to zeese monkeys? Who is zis monster?”
@dshack8: Don't call me "Dad", please call me by my professional title, "Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist".