@PFitzpa: I've got to go guys. Yesterday I bought a new shampoo that's supposed to change my life.
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@KeetPotato: honey, i think the milk's gone bad "i only bought it yesterday" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*
@nbadag: PASTOR: and the lord said unto us—can u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that
@KeetPotato: therapist: "remember there are no stupid questions" wife: "okay" therapist: "keith you start" me: "do sharks ever need to have a bath?"
@vanderwangwe: Her: Are you even listening to me or are you just tweeting? Me: Yes sweetie, I hate her too.