@ch000ch: i've grown my mustache down over my mouth and all the other ventriloquists here are wondering why they never thought of that before
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@LurkAtHomeMom: [Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around
@SteveSuckington: National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product.
@WilliamAder: Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.
@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.