@shutupmikeginn: I've had 6 cups of coffee and am about to shave my pet cactus
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@DannyZuker: Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
@Henry_3k: Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes.
@celticrose2312: Man at garage: "Are you claiming this off your own insurance?" Me: "Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."