@FeelingMervis: I've had intimate problems all my life. I just can't get close to someone without feeling insecure. You said internet problems? Nevermind.
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@DrunksWithGuns: Me: Don't look at me that way. Everyone pees in the shower. Her: Yes. Most people have the shower running. M: H: Please leave Home Depot.
@NicestHippo: Two ads? IN A ROW? On this website that gives me access to all the music ever made? I won't stand for it
@iGreenMonk: I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
@Chumpstring: [McDonald's] CUSTOMER: small coke please WORKER: for the same price you can get every single thing in the world CUSTOMER: oh WORKER: so do you want that CUSTOMER: yes WORKER: what else