@weinerdog4life: I've had like 6 red bulls, so of course I'm vacuuming the front yard.
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@BuckyIsotope: HONEY I ACCIDENTALLY FILLED THE BABY'S BOTTLE WITH RED BULL Oh god, is he sick HE'S GOT ME IN A HEAD LOCK AND IS SAYING I'M A NERD. CALL 911
@Parentpains: The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks.
@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving
@NicestHippo: Don't worry about choosing between a job you love & one that pays money because you won't be able to find either