@weinerdog4life: I've had like 6 red bulls, so of course I'm vacuuming the front yard.
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@brunopieroni: How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications: 1) Open Facebook app 2) Go to Settings 3) Throw your phone into a river
@better_off_dad: God: I made the sky a canvas, the sun & the clouds an ever changing painting of colorful beauty. Devil: I made potato chips.
@imence2: Step 1:Make pillows with"Love" printed on them Step 2:Become a lawyer Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love Step 4:Become rich
@green_eyed_doll: Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.